There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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