i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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