We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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