Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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