Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she smelled like a LAN party
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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