Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
