if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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