Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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