Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
