I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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