Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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