sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
