you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
