i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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