I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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