Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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