Me too!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
