Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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