sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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