So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He did a backflip because drugs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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