So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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