He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
