I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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