one might say we're banned from that church
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
