I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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