how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
