i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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