woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
