i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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