What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize