Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize