It's Friday. Sex?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
