Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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