I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
