i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
