i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
