I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
