take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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