hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
