the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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