i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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