I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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