Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
