I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
