Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
