I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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