Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
