I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
