I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
