My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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