So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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