please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
