My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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