if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
