sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
