walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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