I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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