My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
