I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
