So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
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The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize