My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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