i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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