NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
someone owes me an orgasm
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
