good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
