Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
