ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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