she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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