I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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