um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
