Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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