I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
