she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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