this just has baby written all over it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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