saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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