he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
