walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
