i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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