I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is Oprah even human
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize