do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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