Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
