My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
